As a woman, Do you feel….You don’t get time to make friends or meet new friends?
Friendships among Women is the least spoken about topic, even among women.. the women that I interact with, within my peer group are mostly Indian women, Their conversation is mostly about how their kids are doing in school, their achievement, their timetable, the school, and their exams….and How they have to make time or re-schedule their daily chores to fit in their child’s extra classes, music classes or some such things.
If one wants to make friends then, there is a tiny time window in which, it is impossible to meet someone new or spend time with an old friend….If there is a chance of meeting someone new, then It has to be within the circle of their current priority of school or kids, that is a fellow mother with the same problems and same time deprivation for bonding…Someone who is not in this circle of priority will be tucked away for Hi!! and Hello!! at accidental encounters.
So an opportunity to bond with a fellow woman who might be great for one’s mental and physical health is simply lost because as a family-loving woman, there is simply no time for one’s own self. It is almost blasphemy to expect ladies to take time for themselves, from their need to be there for their family.
This particular situation can lead to self-isolation and there is no let out anywhere else, everyone she takes care of is shocked if she has a mental/emotional breakdown, coz nobody including the woman herself knows, how important it is for her to express herself occasionally to someone who can truly be there for her… and the best person to do that is another woman just like her. There are hundreds of memes, short videos, and long monologues made on ever-frustrated mothers and they go viral as most of the young viewers see their mothers that way … Well, she wasn’t born that way, our society’s and family’s high expectations from her made her that way. Also to some extent, her own ignorance about self-care added to the problem.
Studies say that women release oxytocin and serotonin when they meet like-minded women and have a deep connection through conversations about feelings and emotions. Oxytocin and Serotonin are happy hormones that are very important for mental and physical health… This was very evident during COVID-19, Some of us with pets had better days in isolation as bonding with pets released these hormones. Likewise, at a mental level, venting out one’s frustration or learning something new from/with a friend can be highly beneficial for mental and physical health. Having someone whom you look forward to meeting without any family obligation, giggling and discussing clothes, makeup, or some trivial thing is great for overall well-being.
There is also evidence that women have higher survival rates from breast cancer if they have strong social connections v/s social isolation. Sadly the patriarchal society looks down upon women gathering as a hub for gossip-mongering, misunderstanding, and cat-fights. This also influences young impressionable minds to look at them with suspicion and as threats. As a young woman, one wants to stay away from any female groups and most women take pride in bonding with male friends, It is seen as a sign of liberal thinking and having a higher level of intelligence. There are even popular movies/TV serials that are made, where they show how a group of women friends are the cause of family problems.
That said, in recent times due to increased financial independence among women, social media, various woman-centric vlogs, web series, and travel dairies, women are supporting women, and being there for sisterhood is taking precedence...There has been a false narrative created that said, women envy women and are not great as friends, this narrative is breaking slowly. It might take a few more decades for a family-oriented woman to value a relationship beyond her family….But as more awareness grows and more younger women bring fresher perspectives, the obstacles around female friendship will reduce.
So if you are a millennial or Gen Z reading this article, pls pay attention to your mother/aunt or any other caregiving woman in your house and chit-chat with them about their female friends, ask them if they are in touch with their female friends…If not, encourage them to step out and make some friends…..You will have a happy mom in your house and If you are a woman who is reading this, plan your time in such a way that at least once or twice a week you spend lunch-time or evening time with your female gang… Your folks at home will survive your absence for a couple of hours. It is time to say, no to hyper-caregiving, yes there is a need for nurturing and selflessness but not at the expense of one’s own well-being.
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